Hey there! When it comes to self-compassion, it’s important to remember that we’re all in this together. We’re all just works-in-progress, dealing with our own set of struggles and imperfections. No one’s perfect, and we all make mistakes and face challenges at some point. Self-compassion is about recognizing this fact and accepting that life is full of ups and downs for everyone.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everything should go smoothly, and when it doesn’t, we beat ourselves up about it. But the truth is, it’s totally normal to mess up and go through tough times. In fact, it’s pretty much guaranteed!
Self-compassion acknowledges that suffering is an inevitable part of life for all of us, no exceptions.
When it comes to tough times, we often don’t think logically. Instead of just experiencing pain, we feel like we’re completely alone in it. But here’s the thing: when we remind ourselves that pain is a universal part of the human experience, our suffering can become a way to connect with others.
The pain we feel during difficult times is the same pain that others feel, even if the circumstances or intensity of it are different. We all experience human suffering in some way or another, and that shared experience can bring us closer together.
You can try this simple practice as a mini-meditation or a quick self-compassion break. Alternatively, you can use the three-part phrase whenever you face challenges in your daily life.
A Guided Self-Compassion Break
The self-compassion break can serve as a helpful reminder to apply mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness when faced with challenges. It also utilizes the comforting power of touch to make us feel safe and cared for.
The key is to find language that resonates with you. You don’t want to get hung up on whether the words make sense or not. For instance, you might prefer using “struggle” instead of “suffering,” or “support” or “protect” instead of “kindness.” Experiment with a few different options and see what works best for you. Then, make it a habit to practice regularly.
You might want to try these instructions with your eyes closed to help you focus more deeply on your inner experience:
First, think of a situation in your life that is causing you stress, but try to choose a problem that is not too overwhelming. We want to gradually build the resource of self-compassion, so aim for a mild to moderate problem. It could be a health issue, a relationship struggle, a work problem, or anything else that is currently challenging for you.
Once you have identified your situation, visualize it clearly in your mind. Imagine the setting, the people involved, and what is happening. If you don’t feel any discomfort in your body, try choosing a slightly more difficult problem.
Now, say to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering.” This is practicing mindfulness. You can also try using other phrases that resonate with you, such as “This hurts” or “This is stressful.”Next, remind yourself that suffering is a part of the human experience. You can say to yourself: “Suffering is a part of life,” or “I’m not alone in this. Everyone experiences difficulty at some point.” This is practicing common humanity.
Then, offer yourself some soothing touch, such as placing your hand on your heart or giving yourself a hug. While doing so, say to yourself: “May I be kind to myself,” or “May I give myself what I need.”
Finally, if you’re struggling to find the right words of kindness and support, imagine what you would say to a dear friend who is going through a similar situation. What would you say to them? Now, see if you can offer those same words to yourself.